Catastrophewaitresss

so i’m finally down at the lake for good. It has been…interesting. A little chaotic. But a lonely type of chaotic. So much to do..and so much of it to do on my own. I’m a grown up now. A single adult. With her own job, car, and apartment, and bank account. How fun. For example, last night I got dressed up and went out all on my own….to Wal-Mart. Bought some hooks for my closet so I can hang my robe. And some scissors. Because I don’t have any. It’s funny…what I’m saying sounds really depressing but it is actually quite nice to have some time to myself. Just to think about everything.

I’ve wanted to blog all week, but I haven’t had internet access. I’m at Panera right now. I need to get a router…or go to Columbia and get mine out of storage. How could I forget something so important?? Silly me.

Today was my first day off since I’ve been down here. Clara helped me move over the weekend, and I started work on Sunday. The weekend was really fun. Clara and I had fun being hippies and moving and making the best of all the work we had to do. I’ve never cleaned so much. Between cleaning the place up for Chase and Jordan, cleaning at work, and cleaning my new apartment…I’m pretty much a pro now. I’m finally out of Columbia though. It took 3 long days. I have sooo much stuff. I feel messy right now. I have stuff in Sullivan, Columbia, and now in Osage Beach. A twenty year old doesn’t need to have the much stuff in that many places, does she?? Myeh..oh well.

I took a trip to Lebanon today. 40 minute drive to the bank. Through the hills and hollers. Osage Beach realllly needs to get a bank that isn’t local. I saw so many cows and used car lots on my trip. I got some new sunglasses, too. I realized I need to get a camera soon. I wanted to take so many pictures of all the funny things.

Work is fine. It’s nice to be serving again. I love coming home with big wads of kash moneeey. I’m looking forward to this weekend. It should be pretty crazy. We had a big employee meeting on Tuesday. We’re switching to Monster energy drink. Big news. No…really. Big News. No more “yeggahbombs”. No more RedBull. People are going to be so pissed. But only for like 5 minutes. They’ll get over it. I guess Monster is slowly breaking in to the bar scene. They’ve been in the Kansas City and St. Louis bars for a bit now. I guess Anheuser Busch bought Monster, so that’s probably why we switched over.

Working down here around “these people” has made me realized how sensitive I’ve become. But in a good way. I’m just more socially aware. Maybe its all the sociology classes I took last semester. Some of it–maybe a little too much–has rubbed off on me. I can’t help but observe everything.

Some people I’ve met/waited on/laughed at….

“Mr. Happy” (Bud Light, His own beer from his boat): This guy was great. We had the RedBull raft races on Tuesday, and he competed. So..when I came into work at about 3, he was pretty toasted. The nickname? Well, he had one of those “mr. Happy” t-shirts on, a pair of RayBans, and a sailor hat. Pretty snazzy. He danced all night. It was cute. He really had quite a few moves, especially for a drunk guy. I dont really know who he was with or where he was from. He was just kind of wondering around the deck all day, dancing and talking to everyone.

“Drunk lanky chick” (not sure…never really saw her drinking…..): So this girl made me never want to drink alcohol again. When I started work, she was wondering around in her swimsuit and a skirt, and looked pretty sloshed. No shoes. Just dancing around. She wasn’t gorgeous or anything. Just really skinny and kinda plain…and starving for attention. It was sad to see. When the band started playing around 7, she made a spectacle of herself by getting up on stage and dancing with the band members. The band was dirty, too. And wasted by 8. And they played til 10. So…that was fun to watch. By the end of the night, she was grinding up against every band member, and then Mr. Happy as well. I just really despised this chick for some reason. I could tell she was not really that drunk, but she had already made an ass of herself, so she figured she might as well keep acting drunk so she doesn’t have to be responsible for her actions? I dunno. We weren’t that busy because everyone just kept going to the bar…so I obviously had a lot to think about as I watched these drunk people dance for 4 hours.

“Inappropriate Creeper” (Mojitos): I really didn’t like this guy. He thought he was funny and he was just crude and drunk. I think he might be a local, so I just steered clear of him before I said something that would cost me my job. I saw him adjust his junk like…3 times…it was gross. Seriously. Some people just become children when they’ve been drinking. He looked like a horny little school boy. here are some delightful things he said to me and the other waitress working…

Inappropriate creeper, to other waitress: “You were on the boat last night, correct?”

other waitress: “yeah” {to add context, I guess a bunch of people went out the lake the night before…Monday nights are big down here for the locals, I guess}

Inappropriate creeper: “yes, I knew that was you. I recognize your breasts.”

…yeah. he said that. I was standing there and I just burst out laughing and walked away. I couldn’t believe she didn’t slap him.

Later on in the evening, he tried to chat with me. I had green shorts on. So..naturally, he said “I like your green shorts. Does green mean go??” I guess that’s supposed to be sexually suggestive?? I don’t know. I just walked away. He later apologized to me for his remark, and continued to tell me what a “beautiful girl” I was. I”m really going to have to get a little more tough-skinned about these encounters.

“the band”: I won’t mention their name, but these guys…oh boy. Honestly, they weren’t too bad. They kept people entertained, and they had a decent, or, “atmosphere appropriate” sound. They did a pretty creative cover of Johnny Cash’s “walk the line”…but then again, it’s a cover of a johnny cash song…so it can only be so creative. They were having a good time. The cynical side of me was disgusted with their drunken, washed up, still living-the-dream-when-your-actually-45-and-have-a-wife-and-kids manner….but the other side of me was happy for them. They could come to the lake, get wasted for basically free, and play music to more wasted people. Pretty good setup, I guess. I was just a little disgusted when between songs they asked the crowd to buy them a round of shots. I mean, come on.

I will have to mention that my favorite part of the entire night is when they introduced their bus driver. He was this middle aged guy with a beer gut that was just hanging out on the side. Then all of a sudden he grabbed the mike and did some pretty badass vocals to AC/DC’s “hell’s bells”. It was his rockstar moment. It made me smile

1. Angels in the Outfield

2. Fudge rounds (the little fat kid in me)

3. The ninja craze when we were in elementary school (3 Ninjas, Power Rangers, TMNT…and all the other cheap ones)

4. Adult Swim has really got something. They’ve tapped a beautiful market.

5. Gushers. Okay..i hated those. But everyone else loved em.

6. When Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon came out with badass graphics and then the Matrix came out and totally showed them what’s up….Personally, I liked the Matrix. And Hero is so much cooler anyway..

7. Kung Pow, the movie, is absolutely ridiculous.

8. Twilight Zone marathons on New Years Eve

9. Afshin boned Diane Lane.

10. The town next to me while I grew up had a 2 story outhouse. Yeah. Seriously. Gays, Illinois. Look it up.

mmmk….that’s hot to trot. no horse jokes. sorry.

so i’m finally back home after what seemed like the longest saturday ever. hard to believe it was my birthday. it was fun…but not really “birthday fun”. my mom came down for the weekend, so it was really nice to see her. we stayed in condo and it was really cute..she decorated the place a little bit with birthday signs, ribbons, etc. like she used to do for me when i was little. I had to be at work at 11, so I had a quick breakfast and then i was off!

so…Dog Days is going to be great. Even though I was working all day, it was so laid back I didn’t really get tired until about midnight. I had a section to myself, worked by myself, and didn’t really have to talk to the managers or anything until I needed help. It was nice to be trusted like that. It was nice and sunny outside, and we had a band playing on the deck most of the afternoon. Everyone I waited on was sooo friendly and happy, so I felt really comfortable. I’ve never had so many drunk strangers wish me happy birthday…so that was interesting. It’s crazy how many different types of people you meet at a place like that. The crazy fisherman, the locals, the creepy drunk guys, the frat boys, the families, the women who are in complete denial about their age, the little kids running around…i could go on.

Some notable characters?

1. Poker run ladies: We didn’t have sweet tea so just Iced Teas. No lemon. There was a poker run going on, and these ladies came in wearing homemade Kentucky Derby hats. Really weird. This one lady kept bothering me for duct tape because her horse kept falling off the top of her head.

2. Delta Upsilon toga party frat boys: Yeggahbombs. (no, seriously) Pretty entertaining. Made me glad I wasn’t a bartender, though.

3. Drunken fisherman-guy with false teeth: His name was Leland.  This guy was a hoot. Probably about 45. He came in with two other guys..a young kid, maybe about 16, and some other shy guy, about 32? He was so funny. Bud Light drinker. And his friend drank Gin & Tonic, which didn’t really fit him, but whatever. He was trying to get some advice about “how women work” for his shy Gin & Tonic friend. He complimented my sunglasses. When I asked them if they’d stay for another round, he told me “Well, you don’t look like a golf club….so I guess we’ll stay and have a beer with ya”. Yeah…I definitely don’t know what that means. But he was pretty harmless…just having a good time.

4. Party family: Rum Runners, Mich Ultras, and Pain in the Asses (a “pain in the ass” is half rum runner, half pina colada) A bunch of young couples…and then some parents?? My favorite. Big self-esteem boosters. These were the type of people that I felt like I could balance my true personality and my waitress personality with. I wasn’t afraid to throw a little sarcasm in. At the end of their meal they wanted 9 separate checks, which made it really difficult because I’m still trying to figure out the computers. I hated that they had to wait on me. But not the hate like, “oh crap…there goes my tip,” but more like “aww…we had so much fun i don’t want them to get pissed”. But it all worked out. They knew it was my birthday…and my first weekend…so I think they understood. I really hate computers sometimes. They just slow things down more than help in some situation

5. Mom and Carol: (Tequila and Grapefruit-gross, mom–and Parrot Bay and Pineapple) I forgot to mention my mom brought her friend Carol with her. They showed up around 5 to relax and enjoy the band. It was nice to see my mom laugh. There was this big group of men sitting near them and they were totally mackin’ on my Mom. How weird, right? Some of the situations I find myself in.

6. Group ‘o Ladies: (Diet Pepsi’s and Iced Tea) Really sweet thirty somethings. The type of ladies who I would usually be scared of, because if they’re with their husbands, they’re total bitches to me. But they were all together and really sweet…I guess they’re regulars, because they asked if Jesse was working. He’s the hot wrestling-coach bartender. I met him when I went down for the day in April. Really nice guy. They were sad to hear he wasn’t there. Then they went on to talk about how hot he was..and how they’d love to make him their pool boy?

7. Supercreep: (Bud Light bottle) Okay…well it had to happen. There’s always that one guy who just creeps you the hell out. This was the guy. It was probably around 11 p.m. or so, and things were starting to wind down. All that was left were the really drunk people, so I was starting to get bored with cocktailing. This guy didn’t really need a beer, but I brought him one anyway. “That will be $5, please”. Then he asked me if I was married. I made the mistake of saying no, and then I had to deal with him handing me all the cash in his wallet, rather than just a $5 bill..or, maybe a little more? He was too drunk to even comprehend tipping me. He handed me a twenty…and I guess I could have just taken it..but I felt too bad. So he then handed me a bunch of bills that were all crumbled up and I pulled out a five and organized the rest of the cash and handed it back to him. He just needed to go home. Then he asked me to dance. Oh, boy. So..I just kinda avoided that part of the bar for the rest of the night.

8. Sweetest old couple ever: Not really old. Just mid-fifties couple. Rolling Rock and White Zin? hehe… They were from Columbia, so we talked about that and Mizzou and all that jazz. I guess they’ve been coming to Dog Days for a while..and they advised me that I have quite a fun summer in store. The lady told me to keep a journal about it.

9. Travis Mann of “the Travis Mann band”: Yeah..I waited on a celebrity. He tried to buy me birthday shots. Wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I let him buy them…but I made the bass player take my shot. He introduced me to the bass player (i forgot his name…aww…I bet that happens a lot, poor guy) and he goes “nice to meet you, killer”. I guess “Killer” and “taylor” sound alike?? Anyway..it was kinda funny. Travis (yeah, we’re on a first name basis) and I joked around. He was my entertainment until the DJ finally stopped playing and we could close the bar. I told him how he was living up to his stereotype of a musician by telling me about his love life, love troubles, etc. and he told me I was living up to my cocktail waitress stereotype by acting like I cared. I guess he has a point.

As the night progressed, the atmosphere changed. The band stopped playing and we switched over to a DJ. He was pretty good, but way too loud. That’s probably because I was sober. I had a few more big tables, and then things started to slow down. That’s when I started to get tired. To boost my energy, I drank a redbull and listened to my happy birthday voicemails.

I think watching drunk people dance is one of my favorite things to do. Especially the lake crowd. All these die-hard good-ole boys who love Kenny Chesney are out on the dance flo’ moving around to top 40. Pretty priceless. Girls are even funnier. They think they are so sexy. It makes me embarrassed to ever have been intoxicated, because I’m sure I looked like that at one point. I’m never gonna dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

Overall, I’d say it was a pretty successful weekend. I wish I could have taken that day and put it somewhere else on the calendar, but then I suppose it wouldn’t have been that day. I can’t believe I worked 15 hours straight. I didn’t really feel it until I went back to the condo after work. I almost fell asleep driving home. When I got back, I sat on the couch and talked to mom and carol about the day..and I literally couldn’t get up afterwards. I need some Nike Shox.

Birthday presents? Money. Even from the gov’t! Yay! My mom gave me a joyce meyer cd about happiness. Such a mom gift. Angie sent me a really cute luggage tag. I hate that my birthday money has to go to practical things. Like moving money. And my $200 speeding ticket. Dammit.

I’m really excited about the summer ahead. It was nice to come back to Columbia this morning. I about didn’t make it. I was so tired on the drive home. When I got back I didn’t really do much. Chilled on the couch and talked to clara. Checked all my facebook birthday wall posts. The laid out in the driveway. Then went to bed. Now I need to work on homework.