to all the lovas out there…and the lova’s lovas….and the lovas’ lova’s lovas…

Sooo many reasons to love Jorma Taccone. And Gnarls Barkley.

This weekend is so interesting already. I waited on nothing but couples tonight. I know it wasn’t valentine’s day…this was the string of people that didn’t want to actually go out on the big day…but the night before. And they were cheap cheap cheap. I guess valentine’s day is really a day for assholes. That never take their girlfriends out for just any reason–so they feel obligated to take her out at this time. But don’t worry, they won’t sweat it too much. They’re just stiff the server to save some extra cash. I’m not bitter or anything…

I think my favorite table was around 8. Two 17 years olds that split a $15 pasta, drank water, and ate 3 baskets of bread. The girl was tall and still akward. Kinda pale. And wearing a black dress which made her look even paler. And her shoes were that cheap shiny plasticy heel. She had no product in her hair and it was split down the middle, straight, and about to her shoulders-all one length. Adorable. You could tell she had personality, but she didn’t really feel comfortable.

The boy was kinda cute in a 17 kinda way. He had a little vest on and some cliche black framed glasses and a lip piercing. He was all decked out in his little outfit. I could hear him saying “I don’t take myself too seriously…but it took me 2 hours to get ready”. He had way too much product in his hair, however. He should have given some of it to his girlfriend. zing. I thought it was really weird that he didn’t know what to order for like…10 minutes. I think he was nervous. It was cute. And they held hands. barf.

Some tips for guys on Valentines’ Day:

-Order for your date. It’s cute and gentlemanly. Or at least let her order first.

-Don’t drink water excessively. Its noticeable.

-Don’t text underneath the table. Its also noticeable. And ungodly rude. It reminds me of when adolescent angry teens come in with their parents and spend the entire time texting.

-Don’t put your phone on the table. It’s rude. More than likely you will get a call or text and of course you will answer it and that is also rude.

-Don’t check out the servers. Even when you are standing at the bar waiting for a table, you’re not safe. We will catch you. And give you the stink eye. Not to mention the fact that it is tacky to check out a server…while you’re on a date with your girlfriend/girl-friend/wife/ho/main slut or whatever.

-Don’t stiff the waitress. Or tip poorly. It makes you look really cheap. 20%. Come on, meow.

-Don’t pay so much attention to your date that it makes the server feel awkward to even bring you your food. I understand that this is your little time out together, and you want to make the best of it…but eye fucking her from across the table is just….awwwkkkwwward.

-Don’t get your date drunk. She’ll probably do something stupid. Which will, in turn, make you look stupid. And creepy. Wine gets girls drunk. Fast. Unless they’re fat.

-Don’t talk about how great the food and service is if you are only going to leave a 10% tip. Your compliments don’t pay my bills, sweet pea.

I love my job.